I had a dentist appointment today. I got there a bit early and had to go wait in the waiting room. The kids there were all watching TV and clapped excitedly when the show “Wibbly Pig” came on. Having nothing better to do, I sat down and watched it with them. The TV was muted, so obviously, I had to do some serious Sherlockish detective work to figure out the episode’s plot.
The first thing I noticed during the title sequence was that this pig seems to have remarkable hand-eye coordination. He can drive a train, form (presumably coherent) sentences, and can even walk on his hind legs without falling over. So I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why he’s called Wibbly. He doesn’t seem to be drunk, or drugged up, or inebriated, or anything.
Also, nowhere in the title sequence do they explain why Wibbly is naked while the other animals wear clothes. Mind you, not all of them wear pants/trousers, so saying they wear clothes isn’t really saying much. That being said, you immediately know something’s up with this pig. Wibbly Pig is definitely hiding something. I just don’t know what. Yet.
To be fair, I did only get to watch one episode ,so maybe it’s a bit early to comment on Wibbly’s backstory. I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. For now.
Anyway, the episode starts with the pig, named Wibbly (I’m assuming ‘Pig’ is his last name), staring intensely at the camera. Wibbly doesn’t say anything for a few seconds. He just stares into the very depths of your soul and silently judges you. Then he forms a slow sadistic smile and says something.
I can’t read lips very well but I manage to make out the words “find” and “body”. Wibbly Pig, you had my curiosity, but now you have my attention. Five seconds in and this show has already taken a dramatic murder/mystery turn! I’m hooked.
Without blinking, Wibbly looks at the ground and finds a piece of white string. The string is very long and trails off camera. Wibbly picks up the string and begins following it.
He eventually comes across a clown who seems to be having a panic attack, using a balloon to hyperventilate. The clown sees Wibbly and points at him with a single shaking finger. The clown starts jumping and shouting at Wibbly (probably accusing Wibbly of the horrific crime alluded to in the beginning of the episode).
Wibbly smiles his signature sadistic smile and says something to the clown. Wibbly points to the string, then to the clown, and then raises his eyebrows expectantly. The clown immediately pulls his trousers up all the way to his neck and shakes his head.
Wibbly says something and smiles. The clown, visibly traumatised, starts shaking his head again. Wibbly stares at him. The clown walks off camera. He never once breaks eye contact with Wibbly.
Wibbly looks at the camera, the corners of his mouth twitching, and shrugs. Then he continues following the string. He next comes upon a much younger/smaller Pig (let’s call him Little Pig) who is holding a plank of wood and standing under a tree.
Little Pig sees Wibbly and drops the wooden plank in fear. He looks at the string in Wibbly’s hands. Wibbly looks at Little Pig and smiles slowly. Wibbly points to the string, then to the branch, and then to Little Pig’s neck. Little Pig begins shaking his head and slowly starts backing away. Wibbly’s smile widens and he moves towards Little Pig.
At this point, I was called back to the reception desk to confirm my appointment details. When I got back to the waiting room, Little Pig was no longer on screen. All I could see was Wibbly rolling the string up into a ball (it was now coloured red/pink). He dropped the ball and casually kicked it away, off camera, whistling cheerily to himself.
I’m not sure what happened to Little Pig, though I imagine it was some kind of Patrick Bateman scenario. I guess we’ll never know.
Wibbly Pig then kicked the ball of string towards an old lady pig sitting on a bench, knitting a Little Pig-sized sweater. She sees Wibbly and says something (presumably asking the whereabouts of her grandson). Wibbly smiles back and says something, pointing to the ball of red/pink string.
Old Pig recoils in shock. Her eyes widen. She stops knitting. She stares directly at the camera and says something, probably wanting to confirm whatever Wibbly said. The kids in the waiting room excitedly shout “UNDER THE TREE!”
Wibbly picks up the ball of string and carries it over to Old Pig. He sits down on the bench next to her. He looks down at the sweater she was knitting and smiles. Old Pig looks at the camera, her eyes wide with fear, and says something.
I manage to make out the words “Pig” and “Doing”. Wibbly smiles sadistically beside her. The kids in the waiting room clap again and shout out “SWINGING!”
Wibbly opens his mouth to say something. Was he about to reveal what happened to Little Pig? Was he going to confess to the murder? Or did he make it look like a suicide? Was it a suicide? Was the clown involved?
Sadly, dear reader, I can’t tell you because I have no idea. It was at this exact moment that the dentist called me in and I had to leave. I’m absolutely gutted that I didn’t get to finish the episode.
I’ve so many unanswered questions! Why was that clown so scared of Wibbly? Where did that string come from? Why is this pig called Wibbly? Why doesn’t he wear clothes? What happened to the other pig?
As I walked towards the dentist’s office, two of the kids looked over at me. I imagine I must have looked incredibly confused because one of them gave me this look:
while the other one just shook her head and looked at me like:
Then they turned back to the TV and clapped along with the rest of the children. This show knows how to captivate an audience!
Hopefully I’ll be able to catch next week’s episode and find out what happened to Little Pig.
The suspense is killing me.